Oh, Canada

CANADA MUST NOT have enough historical figures worth remembering. That's why their currency, instead, bears the likenesses of various symbols of nature. This is an inferior solution, of course, since plants and animals don't have personalities or interesting back-stories; Canadians can't, for example, rattle off their favorite Sacagawea anecdote every time they whip out a dollar coin. That's why the Canadian mint is trying to create a character out of the polar bear on their two-dollar coin — and, by voting online, you can choose which individualized candidate the bear will become. If the current vote tallies hold, on its version of the currency on which the United States memorializes a pivotal Founding Father, Canada will pay tribute to a polar bear comedian named "Churchill." And they wonder why we don't take them seriously.

In other news, we've just realized there is no name for the eagle on the back of the United States quarter. Taking a cue from Canada's culture-crafted naming ideas, we've narrowed it down to these possibilities for your consideration:

"Cliff" — Cliff lives in the Grand Canyon and loves to go fishing. He also poses with tourists for money!
"Patty" — Patty loves to host big barbecues and serve big juicy hamburgers. You won’t find any chicken at her cookouts!
"Paddy" — Paddy always talks about how proud he is of his Irish heritage. His friends, however, all know that there aren't any eagles in Ireland, but whatever!
"Homer" — If your baseball team needs a cleanup hitter, Homer is your guy. A distant relative of his was once struck and killed by a pitch thrown by Randy Johnson!
"Holly" — Holly is into show business in California. In fact, she once flew around in the background of an episode of "The Andy Griffith Show"! She's been waiting tables at a small cafe trying to get her career off the ground ever since!
» Royal Canadian Mint: Toonie 10th Anniversary. [Royal Canadian Mint]

» DANCING MACHINE: Did you all have fun at the VirginFest in Baltimore this weekend? So did this guy. [YouTube]

» WHERE NORTHERN VIRGINIA FOUND ITS ROAD-SIGN INSPIRATION: And a couple pictures of Seven Corners could surely bump a few of these off the list. [2Spare]

» I WANT MY WMD: President Bush has recently compared U.S. military action in the Middle Eastto the Cold War. So, attention music industry: It's time to start making music videos that imagines a world where our current quote War on Terror unquote ends in global destruction. Hey, Green Day, what a great idea for your next concept album. If you need ideas, check these out. [The A.V. Club]

Photo by Guy Clavel, AFP/Getty Images.