Star Power

AFTER WATCHING President Bush's 9/11 anniversary speech last night, were you tempted to join the Armed Forces, so you to could do your best to help bring freedom to wherever in the world the U.S. decides it is needed? Us too. But we had a few questions we wanted answered before we headed off to boot camp. Luckily, the Army has made available Sgt. Star, a computerized, automated online recruiting program that will respond to your typed questions in a one-on-one session. Here's a brief transcript of our conversation.

SGT STAR: Welcome Express. How can I help you today?
EXPRESS: First, how is the food in the Army?
SGT STAR: The Dining Facilities in the Army are open to all Soldiers in a cafeteria-style setting. Meals are balanced and choices are plentiful. The majority of Army posts worldwide also have fast food restaurants. During training in the field, Soldiers are provided MRE's, which are pre-packed field rations.

EXPRESS: I'm gay. Is that going to be a problem?
SGT STAR: The current Department of Defense policy of "Don't ask, Don't tell" is still in effect. During your enlistment process, Army Recruiters will not ask you about sexual preferences. Federal law recognizes this area as personal and private to the extent applicants and Soldiers keep their preferences to themselves.

EXPRESS: Does the Army need someone to write about funny Web sites?
SGT STAR: What kind of qualifications are you asking about? Physical, enlistment, home school, MOS, ROTC, OCS, or HPSP?

EXPRESS: Uh oh. I'm not sure I have any of those qualifications.
SGT STAR: There are more than 50 domestic Army installations and more than 100 worldwide. Your duty assignment will depend on your MOS and experience and available positions.

EXPRESS: Would I have to fight in Baghdad?
SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less.

EXPRESS: Thanks for your help!
SGT STAR: You're welcome.

» "Sgt. Star." [GoArmy]
Photo by Andy Mosher/The Washington Post

HE'S RIGHT — THIS IS LIKE 'THE TWILIGHT ZONE': So, perhaps you didn't feel the need to wear military fatigues after President Bush's speech. In fact, his opponents are decrying his comments as being divisive and political. That's why we preferred to take in MSNBC host Keith Olbermann's reflective, unifying message of hope. Gee, remember this time five years ago, when members of all political parties were all holding hands, wearing flags and re-memorizing the lyrics to patriotic songs? [YouTube]

WE JUST CAN'T PUT DOWN OUR 'AMERICAN SPELLING BOOK': Imagine listening to people fight over what the best books of all time are. It's like asking people to pick the world's best ice cream flavor — there are just too many options, each with its own merits, and too difficult to compare. So wouldn't it be better to just rely on the hard data, i.e., which books have sold the most copies in history? The findings: The number of Bibles bought by Christians isn't nearly as surprising as the number of Mao Zedong quote books bought by Communists. [SoYouWannaKnow]

OUR TAKE ON THE REDSKINS' LOSS TO THE VIKINGS LAST NIGHT: They weren't nearly ruthless enough. [AskMen]