Fit: Surviving Young

ELISSA THORNER is a single mom whose daughter is now 8. She graduated from Georgetown University at 18. She works as a research scientist at the National Institutes of Health, studying public-health issues. Her encounter with cancer began in 2004 when, at age 21, she found a lump in her breast. Her doctor said, "It's nothing, you're too young." A year later, it was still there. Thorner insisted on a mammogram — her mother was diagnosed with the disease 14 years ago, and that's a risk factor. A biopsy revealed that Thorner had stage one (out of four) breast cancer. She underwent a lumpectomy and 36 sessions of radiation, finishing treatment in March 2006.

In her cozy Mount Airy condo, Thorner says she's now "learning for the first time ever how to live." She's trying to be less Type A, she's taken up knitting, and she's reading for pleasure. She's also becoming an activist. This weekend, she'll attend the Annual Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer, aimed at women who were diagnosed before the age of 45.

» EXPRESS: Were you angry when you found out you had breast cancer?
» THORNER: I went through this feeling that my body failed me. I have friends who smoke, who eat McDonald's and drink, and I remember getting so pissed. I did everything right. I ate healthy. I exercised. And I'd been dating someone about six weeks. What a great way to scare off a guy!

» EXPRESS: How did your boyfriend react?
» THORNER: I said, "This is an easy out for you." He said, "We are going to do this together." Not many men would do that.

» EXPRESS: What were you thinking about the relationship?
» THORNER: How fair is this to him? My body is being cut open. It's one thing not to focus on vanity, but my breast had an incision, I was having radiation, my skin started peeling off, I had circles under my eyes, I was incredibly exhausted, I couldn't really go out much. How sexy do you feel when 're going through treatment like that?

» EXPRESS: Did you share these feelings?
» THORNER: A little. But I also felt I needed to go the extra mile and let him know I was OK. I was running on empty but wanted to show him this was not going to change things. I'd cook dinner and keep the house spotless, and he was like, "What are you doing?"

» EXPRESS: But in the end it worked out.
» THORNER: He's moving in this weekend. I am so happy!

» EXPRESS: What did you tell your daughter?
» THORNER: I wanted to be honest. I said, "I'm going to have surgery and come home that day. I'll feel tired and sore and need to sleep a lot. Then I'll start radiation and I might be really tired and not feel like doing lots of things. But there will be lots of pizza and Chinese food. And maybe you'll read me stories at night."

» EXPRESS: Did she ask if you were going to die?
» THORNER: Yes. I didn't want to lie. I said, "We're all going to die, but I have wonderful doctors taking good care of me. Mommy is going to be a good listener and do everything doctors tell her."

» EXPRESS: How did you cope?
» THORNER: I laughed a lot, sometimes at inappropriate things. I'd say to the radiation therapist, "Usually I have to date someone a few times and they'd buy me dinner before they can see my breasts." The therapist would mark my breasts with a Sharpie to show where to radiate. On Valentine's Day, I said, "Couldn't you even draw me a heart?"

» EXPRESS: Now that treatment is over, what's your relationship with cancer?
» THORNER: I want to be the one talking about breast cancer, about how young women need to be aware. But some days I don't want to be the poster child. I ran in the Race for the Cure last year. It was a horrible moment when I got the pink T-shirt for survivors. I sat in the living room in tears, on my knees. I didn't want to wear the pink shirt. I didn't want to walk around D.C. with this big "scarlet letter" on my chest.

» EXPRESS: What's your emotional state now?
» THORNER: There are days I'm still angry — angry I have to go see one of my gazillion oncologists, angry I can't be on birth-control pills [estrogen can fuel tumor growth], angry when I have pains, angry when I have to go bathing suit or bra shopping.

» EXPRESS: So you're angry. Is that all?
» THORNER: At other times, I can't imagine where my life would be if I didn't have this disease. I just pushed with everything before. I was trying to do a Ph.D., I was supermom, I was the perfect girlfriend, daughter, sister and friend and a super employee. And I was training for a triathlon. One of the things that came out of this experience is learning to slow down and enjoy things.

» EXPRESS: What advice would you give the newly diagnosed?
» THORNER: It sounds very clichéd, but it does get better. There is a life after breast cancer. People said that to me and I was like, "What do you know?" But you do pull through, and you come out stronger in the end.

» HELP FOR YOUNG SURVIVORS
Breast-cancer support groups often draw an over-50 crowd, reflecting the demographic of the disease. But more than 11,500 women under 40 are diagnosed each year. Among the area resources for young survivors:
» Annual Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer ($75, Feb. 23-25, Hyatt Crystal City in Arlington,
youngsurvivorsconference.org). Workshops cover such topics as treatment advances for young patients, fertility and dating after breast cancer. Marc Silver, author of this article and the book "Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (and Yourself) Through Diagnosis, Treatment and Beyond" will be giving a workshop for caregivers.
» Inova Alexandria Cancer Center. A support group for young women with breast cancer meets the second Tuesday of each month, 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. For information, call 703-504-7921.
» Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center at Georgetown Hospital. Its young women's group meets the first Wednesday of the month, 5:30 p.m. to 7 p.m. Call 202-444-3755 to register.

This post was written by Express contributor Marc Silver