Baggage Check: Surviving the Volatile Roommate

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Got issues? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

How do you know whether someone has a problem with anger? My roommate screams at me or picks fights about very minor things. I know all roommates have difficulties learning to get along (we're college freshmen), but I honestly feel that she's beyond normal. I'm always afraid she'll go off on me at any moment. Should I be concerned?
— WOULD RATHER BE STUDYING

Like someone who just ate rotten dim sum, I'd say there is absolutely cause for concern. But I think it's less about her possible anger problem and more about your definite living situation problem. Let's not start checklisting her symptoms — instead, focus on the fact that feeling uncomfortable and fearful of the person who breathes your air every night isn't conducive to a good college experience. Yes, those years are supposed to be about figuring this stuff out, but being intimidated by someone's explosiveness is something else entirely. She might have an anger-management problem, or she might be depressed, highly stressed out or just highly strung — or there could be something about your interaction styles that comes together about as well as sorbet and scallops.

Above all, though, you have to talk this over with someone and see whether there are better bunking alternatives. A resident assistant or the college's counseling center would be an excellent place to start; they can help you sort out your options and gain additional insight about the dynamics at play. Ideally, it will still be a learning experience, but you won't be losing sleep at night.

I'm a fun-loving yet serious woman who's been in quite a few relationships that ended by attrition in less than six months. And that hurts. I'm working to change my patterns, but I'm susceptible to tall, handsome, aloof or ambivalent men. I'm sure therapy could help, especially if it went beyond one-on-one. Could you tell me how to find a group?
— LOVE YOUR COLUMN

A great place to look would be the Women's Center. Group counseling can, indeed, be an excellent choice for those with relationship issues — many people find the added sense of community, support and empathy invaluable.

Universities often have psychology research programs that offer low-cost therapy to community members. You might also contact some individual therapists to see whether they hold any groups or are aware of any starting up.

Send your mental health and emotional wellness questions to Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., at baggage@readexpress.com. This column is not a substitute for one-on-one care.

Art by Eric Reece for Express