Baggage Check: A Friend in Need

| Print Post This | Like (0) | Comments (0)

Got issues? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

I think my best friend may be schizophrenic. (Her mom is.) A month ago, she got really depressed and angry because she hadn't found a job. I gave her support, applied for jobs for her, and offered to take her to a therapist. But she doesn't want help, because she believes everyone is out to get her. She now says that if she leaves the house, the police will arrest her. How do you help a mentally ill person who doesn't want aid? She has children, and I don't want her to hurt herself or them.
— A TRUE FRIEND

These are the times when being a friend can be one of the toughest jobs in the world; my heart goes out to you. The first thing to remember is not to focus on a diagnosis. Sometimes severe depression alone can lead to unusual beliefs and even psychotic behavior, and using labels or making a direct connection to her mother's situation might make your friend even more suspicious.

If she has a spouse/partner or family, you must enlist their support, not just for logistical aid (perhaps they can lure her to a doctor?), but so they can be extra-watchful of the kids. Unfortunately, in many jurisdictions, if you can't say for sure that she poses an imminent threat to herself or others (and if she does, it's time to contact the police or social services, depending on the severity), the law is usually not much help.

Stay as close as you can without pushing her to shut you out, but don't blame yourself if she does; she's clearly suffering from something bigger than you can handle alone. Your local community mental health agency can give you resources for your area, and sometimes they can do medium-level interventions that don't require involuntary hospitalization.

It's really important to take care of yourself during this time. Watch out for your friend, but don't forget that you've already cared for her quite a bit, and you are not ultimately responsible for whether she gets help.

Could a psychologist help me change careers?
— WONDERING

Yes, a thousand times over! Career counselors can do assessments to find which occupations your personality, skills, education, lifestyle and interests might align with. Clinical and counseling psychologists can help with the emotional and behavioral aspects of a job change. And the whole "I'm trying to find out who I am" transition that often coincides with a career switch is tailor-made for counseling. Work plays such an integral role in our lives that it's impossible to imagine it not being interconnected with our mental health, for better or for worse.

Send your mental health and emotional wellness questions to Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., at baggage@readexpress.com. This column is not a substitute for one-on-one care.

Art by Eric Reece for Express