Baggage Check: The Way Back After a Wrong Turn

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Got issues? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

I feel like I'm on the wrong path. I'm stagnating in grad school in a field I'm no longer sure I want to pursue. One of my objections is that I might not make much money. I’m in a stale relationship that brings nothing to me, but is more serious by the day. I no longer socialize because of no money or time. I feel disconnected from who I used to be, but I don’t know where to begin changing. How do I get back to my roots? — FEELING LOST

First, you have to draw a picture of who you used to be. It can be in narrative or list form (crayons not necessary). What is it you miss about yourself? What qualities do you feel are being stifled? And, most importantly, how can you take control and get those feelings back?

Focus first on your immediate needs and how to meet them. Ask yourself what you are getting from the relationship you’re in — there must be some incentive for not leaving — and figure out where else you can get that. Social stimulation, a sense of belonging and being cared for come to mind — so, get back in touch with friends you truly like and have them over for a cheapo night of reconnecting.

As for long-term aspirations, additional research and networking can help you decide whether your field is an absolute path to pauperhood. There might be ways of developing a specialty or combining it with other training that can make it more lucrative. If not, take some time to determine whether to stick it out or cut your losses. There are many ways to do this — from a spreadsheet of pros and cons to a night of soul-searching with someone you trust to a Magic 8 ball session.

If you’re starting to see disruptions in eating or sleeping, a sense of hopelessness or guilt, a lack of motivation, or the inability to concentrate, you might be showing signs of depression and could definitely benefit from seeing someone — something you might want to consider anyway.

You mentioned biofeedback recently. How can I find a good provider? — NO NAME

The first step is the same as finding any psychotherapist — if you’re going to use insurance, check out the lists of covered or semi-covered providers. The American Psychological Association also maintains a database.

Biofeedback often overlaps with medical treatments, as it can be used for everything from high blood pressure to incontinence. So, ask your general practitioner or a trusted specialist for some names. Hospitals may also have leads; it’s likely someone on staff even specializes in it.

Send your mental health and emotional wellness questions to Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., at baggage@readexpress.com. This column is not a substitute for one-on-one care.

Art by Eric Reece for Express