Meet the Creep: Jim Florentine

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JIM FLORENTINE IS a professional jerk.

And that's a huge compliment.

A stand-up comedian since the 1980s, Florentine begins a five-day stay at the DC Improv on Wednesday.

But Florentine is best known as the voices behind the "Crank Yankers" puppets Special Ed ("Yaay! I got mail!") and Bobby "The Burper" Fletcher. He's also built his rep with frequent appearances on "The Howard Stern Show," work as a correspondent on HBO's "Inside the NFL" and through the gut-busting "Terrorizing Telemarketers" CD series.

The four volumes feature recordings of Florentine messing with those shameless callers who try to sell you everything and anything — not even pausing if you're, say, bathing your dying grandfather, as happens in one "Terrorizing Telemarketers" exchange.

While Florentine's deep deadpan voice and monotone New Jersey accent are perfect for the radio, phony phone calls and puppets, it can be even funnier to watch him goof on people in front of the camera in his "Meet the Creeps" DVDs. Florentine, along with co-creep Don Jamieson and a cast of comedian friends, take the hidden-camera genre to new levels of annoyance.

Superficially, "Meet the Creeps" may seem like "Punk'd." But in Florentine's world, no celebrity douchebag ever comes out running and screaming like his panties are in a bunch to tell the victims they've been punk'd.

The awkward comedy that ensues on "Creeps" is hilarious, natch, but you can't help but wonder if Florentine's even been punched upside his head for acting like an invasive bathroom attendant in a tiny construction site port-a-potty, or for dipping a line and lure in a live fish tank at an Asian grocery store.

"No, I have never got hit by anyone," Florentine said. "I usually can tell when someone is about to explode so I back off. I can't afford to get hit: I have no health insurance."

While Florentine and Jamieson shopped "Meet the Creeps" to Comedy Central, home of "Crank Yankers," the network didn't pick it up for broadcast. "They passed on the pilot," he said, though it did play as a Web series on ComedyCentral.com. "We are shopping it around to different places. We'll see. Everything on TV, including cable, is so safe these days that there might not be a home for it."

Meanwhile, Jamieson isn't just the co-creator of "Meet the Creeps"; he's also the one who told Florentine he had comedic treasure when he heard the early "Terrorizing Telemarketer" calls.

"I had no idea I was on to something until my partner in crime, Don Jamieson, listened in on a call once and said you are sitting on gold here," Florentine said. "I owe him a hand job."

While telemarketers are just asking to be messed with, Florentine's been making outgoing prank calls since he was a kid. "All the time," said the 42-year-old comedian. "I was usually punished and had to stay in the house, so I would go right to the phone out of boredom."

But for all his insulting antics, Florentine isn't a complete Jersey jerk. As listeners to "The Howard Stern Show" know, Florentine's former longtime girlfriend Jade committed suicide at the end of 2006. While the couple was broken up at the time, they were still close and still living together, and Florentine was trying to help her with her problems.

Florentine was onstage at a comedy club when Jade left a desperate message on his cell phone. By the time he finished his set, retrieved her call and rushed to their home, she was dead.

Jade's death has made Florentine an active spokesperson for suicide prevention programs, encouraging his fans to seek help if they're depressed.

While Florentine will forever tool on people with prank phone calls and the like, he said Jade's passing has changed his approach to comedy.

"It has made me fearless onstage," he said. "If I can sit across from a mother who just lost her son and talk to her, I can handle pretty much anything while I'm onstage and not be afraid of opening up a bit."

» DC Improv, 1140 Connecticut Ave. NW; Wed.-Sun., 8:30 p.m. (Wed., Thu. & Sun.), 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m. (Fri. & Sat), $15-$17; 202-296-7008. (Farragut North)

Florentine loves heavy metal, so Express asked him for songs people should tailgate to while preparing for his comedy concerts:
» Metallica, "Master of Puppets"
» Slipknot, "Duality"
» AC/DC, "It's a Long Way to the Top if You Want to Rock 'n' Roll"
» Buckcherry, "Lit Up"

» Florentine's Web site features plenty of downloadable MP3s of his stand-up act and his prank calls, and Comedy Central has numerous "Meet the Creeps" clips. Also go to Super Deluxe to see "The Good Side of Bad News," Florentine's new NSFW series with comic Jim Norton.

Photos courtesy Jim Florentine