Baggage Check: Silence Not Golden

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Dr. Andrea Bonior dives into the world of psychology.

THE JOURNAL "PSYCHOSOMATIC MEDICINE" (motto: Don't let what you read in here make you sick!) recently published data outlining an interesting paradox: Although more men than women report keeping their feelings to themselves during marital spats, it is women who appear to suffer greater health consequences from doing so.

In fact, women who reported self-silencing, as opposed to women who were open with their feelings, were four times more likely to die during the decade-long period in which the study was conducted.

Of course, as my Abnormal Psychology students are tired of hearing, correlation does not equal causation. Perhaps women who are willing to bottle up their feelings possess some other trait that makes them less physically healthy; perhaps the physical health problems themselves make them less likely to want to escalate a fight by revealing what they feel.

Nonetheless, there is a growing — and startling — body of research that says it's the fighting style, not the presence of fighting or even if couples consider their relationships happy overall, that is a tremendous predictor of both psychological and physical well-being.

Striking the balance between throwing the frying pan and simmering in silence seems to be the elusive ideal, as couples who learn to treat each other with warmth and respect during disagreements overwhelmingly fare better than those who either seethe in private or bust out more expletives than your average Tarantino movie.

And though it's clear that more research is needed — for instance, why might women be more vulnerable than men to the health risks of bottling up? — the message seems to be as old as every couples therapist, psychologist and wise great-aunt worldwide — healthy communication is everything.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.