Baggage Check: When Mama Ain't Happy

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Got issues? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

MY BOYFRIEND IS VERY disrespectful toward my mother. I come from a formal family, and he does not — his is full of jokes and what I consider rudeness. He teases my mom when she visits, and she does not take it well. I'm embarrassed when he acts this way. I've tried to drop hints, to no avail.
—FRUSTRATED

So, you've tried the "subtle approach" with someone who lets everything hang out. Yeah, keep me posted on how that goes!

It's not like you have to behave exactly like him to get your point across, but you must at least speak the same language. He'll likely respond better to a direct talk about how much his behavior upsets you and your mother. Still, be careful not to make him defensive: Focus on how you understand he grew up with a different style of family communication. It's not that he's doing something awful or you want him to change his personality but that you need him to adopt a different style when he's around your family. Just as people are forced to wear unsexy shoes when bowling.

Presumably, you love your boyfriend for who he is, and it's important to recognize that families come in all styles, from those who watch Will Ferrell movies to those who always use the correct fork. In the spirit of embracing differences, you might try to be flexible when fitting in with his family as well.

I'm 24 and I've had some stressful times in my post-college life. My parents' marriage broke up, and a guy I dated was killed in a car accident. I don't know if everything is right with me. Depression symptoms don't really fit. But I worry all the time, especially about getting sick. My friends joke that I'm a hypochondriac — I don't think so. But if I don't even know what's wrong, how can I get help?
— NO NAME

Your question may seem like a paradox, but it's actually as simple as a BLT. A therapist helps you by helping you figure out what's wrong.

Your letter gives me tons of clues. You have life transitions galore, the breakup of your parents' marriage and the loss of a loved one. You have friends who probably don't quite understand the depth of what you've been through and who toss around labels that make you doubt yourself and feel even more alone.

After people suffer significant life stressors — especially those involving loss or the threat of loss — they're more likely to experience anxiety about their own health and well-being. Which, to borrow from the vicious circle department, isn't exactly great for one's health or well-being. Please seek out someone. You need not have any of the answers yet; in fact, therapy will help you get them.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Eric Reece for Express