Idol Chatter: Voyage of the Mimi

Express' Greg Barber chronicles one sweet evening of Mariah Carey songs on "American Idol."

SO, MICHAEL JOHNS FANS — would you like a little salt with your wounds? It takes less than a minute's time in Tuesday's broadcast for Seacrest to reach for a can of Morton's.

"We're still feeling the shock waves here after last week's surprising departure by Michael Johns," he says. "He wasn't ever in the bottom three, so what happened? Did a lot of people think he was safe enough without their support? Remember, at this stage, every single vote is vital."

Seacrest must be off his game tonight. I've never heard him sound more like he's reading off a Teleprompter than during that little soliloquy.

His point, however, is well taken, as any Michael Johns supporter still nursing his or her hurt feelings would tell you: If you don't vote for your favorite, he or she might soon be gone.

The Idolites' mentor this week is Mariah Carey. She hasn't been around as long as her predecessor, Dolly Parton, but with 18 number-one hits to her credit since her 1990 debut — the most of any solo recording artist — she's surely a formidable presence.

I fear for the guys, who are likely scratching their heads as they consider which song from her catalog they'll attempt. Hopefully, none of them will try to scale to the glass-smashing top of her vocal range.

Mariah arrives in true diva style, bringing her dog, J.J., in tow. He's a cute puppy. But I have to quickly shoo away thoughts of how infinitely more posh his life must be than mine.

She gives her thoughts on the task before her: "Doing what I do is tough, so I'm just like, I know that 'American Idol' is the boot camp of all boot camps. So I had to approach this as an artist, as a singer and as a songwriter."

To the contestants, she says, "Just look at me like, 'Whatever. That's my friend who I met last week who sings for a living and writes songs occasionally.'"

Right. Are those small diamonds encrusted on your fingernails?

After the video ends, Seacrest brings up an interesting point: The contestants would normally get the proverbial stuffing kicked out of them by the judges for attempting a Mariah song, but now they're forced to pick from her catalog. How will Randy handle his critiquing?

"Hopefully they're not trying to sound like Mariah," he says. "I'm looking for identity. Who are you?"

The first of many allusions to Randy's having worked with Mariah in the past surfaces as the judges banter. That won't get old.

DAVID ARCHULETA
Li'l David seems a little too excited to meet Mariah, his usual golly-gee-whiz flusteredness erupting into near hyperventilation. "I listen to your music a lot. I — woo," he says, waving his hands like Scarlett O'Hara with a case of the vapors. Random observation: Anyone else think his eyebrows looked a little overtweezed during that intro video?

"I'm really proud of him and where he seems to be at as a person," Mariah says. "And his singing is just beautiful."

He sings "When You Believe," and it's a pretty good performance, although not one of his best. He sounds out of sync with the music for the first third of it. I'm glad to see that he takes Mariah's advice and punches into a falsetto for one bit of the song — that shows a little gutsiness. (Watch here.)

Overall, it seems to be the kind of earnest tune that's totally in Li'l David's wheelhouse. And, by the sound of it, it was one he's sung in the bathroom mirror many a time. Nothing new here.

Except his, um, wardrobe. Do screaming teen fangirls really like their superstars in leather pants? I guess the world of teen idoldom really hasn't changed much since Leif Garrett.

"If you can sing, you can sing anything," Randy says. "You can sing anything. That was the bomb, baby."

"It must feel great for Mariah to be able to hear your interpretation of the song," Paula says. "I know she was beaming because you made her proud. Very proud."

"I could have bet a million dollars on you choosing that song in advance," Simon says. "I thought it was very, very good."

CARLY SMITHSON
Carly joins Seacrest in the Coke lounge, and the talk turns once again to Michael Johns, who apparently was the life of the party, 'cause he told a joke or two. "We did our Ford shoot on Sunday, and it's just it's not the same — he was just, like, the goofball," she says. "We were all kinda sitting there like, 'So who's gonna crack a joke now?'"

See what you did, America?

"I think that Carly has a really powerful voice," Mariah says in her video intro. "She made wise decisions in terms of the notes she went to to complement her range."

She sings "Without You," and does pretty well with it. Apart from one set of notes where she reaches too deeply into her lower range, she punches in the right places and really knocks out a powerful ending. (Watch here.)

The problem is, the song just doesn't excite me. The vocal work is serviceable, but I just don't connect with her.

It also looks like somebody talked to her about the angry face she kept making while she was performing. It hasn't totally disappeared — she scowls a bit during this performance as well — but she shows some improvement there, too.

"I like that you challenged yourself with this big song," Randy says. "The first beginning was a little not quite loosey goosey for me. It was pretty good. It was pretty good. Pretty good."

Loosey goosey? Is that a technical musical term?

"I - I actually think that, I - I liked that you had — you shared some vocal restraint at the beginning of the chorus and then swelled and - and soared," Paula says stiffly. "That's what I love about your voice, and it's choosing different parts and making it your own. Especially for a great artist like Mariah Carey."

"I really wanted to hear you sing this song, even before Mariah week," Simon says. "We now have a direct comparison. Could you pull it off on the night? And I don't think you did. I think you're capable of it. I think you're overthinking everything. ... I thought it was an OK version."

"You've got to trust yourself," Paula says, apparently agreeing despite what she blathered about earlier.

Carly's smile is plastered to her face, even though the rest of her features radiate utter frustration. And possibly the fear that Simon just sunk her for the final time.

SYESHA MERCADO
I'll make confession: During Syesha's set, I was attempting to remove a splinter from my foot that I'd managed to pick up from my apartment's very old and not-so-lovingly maintained floors. Bloggers are people, too. And sometimes very clumsy ones.

But her version of "Vanishing" was so amazing that I rewound it just to hear it again.

I'm not familiar with much of Mariah's music — and I don't think I've ever heard this song before — but Syesha's version really blew me away. It was infused with an emotion, a soulfulness; a measured care at first, then a controlled bombast near the end that just shouted "star."

I think it's her best performance of the competition. (Watch here.)

"I like that you're bold and you really, like, go for all of it every week," Randy says. "I tell you what, I was really afraid when I heard you were going to sing that song. But I got to tell you something, you did a really good job on it, all things considered."

Not quite a ringing endorsement, but an endorsement nonetheless.

"You're smart because you picked a song that not a lot of people know," Paula says. "I just think overall, tonight was unbelievably magical for you."

"Once again, technically, it was very, very good indeed," Simon says. "Having said that, I'm not sure in this stage in the competition, I would have chosen a song which not many people know about. So, you run a risk."

Wait. So if she sings a song that's too well known, she's made a mistake, but if she sings a song that's a bit back catalog, she's goofed too? I don't buy it.

I'm gonna call it: I think Simon's in David Archuleta's camp. I think he looks at that kid and sees nothing but dollar signs. He'll talk up David Cook, too, because he'd make a lucrative winner or runner up, too, but otherwise he's never, never going to back a potential contender.

I'm not saying Syesha could make it to the top spot; her performances thus far have been too uneven — not in their vocal proficiency, but in their ability to really reach an audience. But I do think that songs like this and her inspirational turn last week have shown that she's made some great strides in curing what ailed her.

BROOKE WHITE
Brooke joins Seacrest in the Coke corner wearing a very sparkly dress. Didn't anyone tell her this isn't really the week to, y'know, glitter?

Sorry. Had to. It's in the "Idol" blogger's handbook.

We find out Brooke didn't get to attend her sister's wedding over the weekend so she could keep trying for megastardom. Priorities, eh?

She tried to order a cardboard cutout of herself to take her place. It didn't work, but wouldn't you have loved to be a fly on the wall listening to someone — especially Brooke — try to order a quick-turnaround full-size cutout of themselves?

Maybe that's not all that strange in L.A. And, hey, I think the cutout would annoy me less.

I almost spit out my drink when I hear she's going to sing "Hero." It's a Mariah song that, I'll be honest, I'm not all that fond of. And Brooke's singing it. And it's about heroes and how we each have one in ourselves and blah, blah, blah.

"I loved Brooke," Mariah says. "I thought she was really genuine as a person."

Maybe more genuine than most music executives, I guess?

OK. The first couple of notes and that condescending stare make me want to turn the TV off within the first few seconds of her performance. But as she warms up, and as I look past her body language, I begin to almost enjoy the song. The way she powers through the bridge is actually really good, with more depth than I think Brooke's shown in weeks. The end of the song, though, is disappointing and feels rushed, as if the bridge sapped all of her energy and she just wanted to be finished. Very strange. (Watch here.)

But the moment when she mouths and signs, "My heart for you," to the audience is when I really wish the stage had a trap door.

"I like the fact that you brought a whole singer-songwriter to the thing," Randy says. "I was, like, really diggin' it and really down until the bridge. And then the bridge kinda threw me a little bit."

"It's out there for me, I totally admit that," Brooke says. Because, lest we forget, this is Brooke's time. And Brooke talks during Brooke's time. Usually about Brooke. Brookety Brooke Brooke.

"Every ounce of you is totally authentic to who you are, and that's a beautiful thing," Paula says, as if she was wishing it were true. "And I think this unplugged version was really brave thing to do. I think that you sounded really good, except for a few off notes. But don't ever let that speed you up."

"I don't think you had much choice other than to do what you did," Simon says. "Having said that, it was a bit like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun."

Brooke visibly pouts. The audience boos. It's all a bit fourth grade.

"In other words, the vital ingredient, the bit in the middle, was missing. ... Because I don't think your voice was strong enough to carry that song."

"The meat was definitely there —" Randy says.

"OK, it was missing the to-mah-to, the onion and the relish," Simon says.

"Of course, it was missing the special sauce," Seacrest says.

"There were no condiments in it, there was no mustard and mayonnaise —" Randy says.

We get it. The dead horse has been beaten into glue.

Speaking of horses ...

KRISTY LEE COOK
"I got goosebumps when you sang this," Mariah says as Kristy practices "Forever" during her intro video. "I think that this could be a big hit for you. ... I like how you sing better than mine."

I haven't heard Mariah's version of the song, but Kristy Lee's is really damned good.

While listening, I could almost picture Kristy singing this in a smoky bar or on an intimate stage. Where many of her previous performances stunk of a beauty pageant triteness, this one has a more personal, torch-song kind of feel. I really enjoy it. (Watch here.)

That Kristy Lee. Five weeks after her earliest appearance in the bottom three — and more than a month after many, his column included, predicted she'd be among the first to leave the stage — and she's belting 'em out better than ever.

Which, of course, means this is the week she'll finally be voted off or something. But still.

"I didn't think that was amazing," Randy says. "But ... you definitely started stepping up towards the end."

"It wasn't just the end," Paula says. "I think you're a very smart girl because you have this, like, all worked out in your plans. ... Kristy Lee Cook, oh my God. I'm, like, blown away."

"You probably weren't jumping for joy, were you, when you heard it was Mariah Carey week?" Simon asks.

"I was just happy I gave her chills," Kristy Lee says.

"You didn't give me chills," he retorts. "It wasn't ever going to be an advantage for you. So, I think you were quite smart. It just wasn't great."

No, I don't think it was great overall. But it was really good for her. Should she win the competition based on this performance? No. Should she be back for another week? Probably.

Seacrest's in the audience with Ramiele Malubay. "You don't want to leave the show, do you?" he asks. Nope, she responds.

I like her better when we don't have to listen to her sing.

DAVID COOK
"It just sounded really pretty and haunting, the way you were singing," Mariah says when he performs "Always Be My Baby" during his intro video.

"I thought that he did something really different, and it made me proud as a songwriter," she adds.

Where last week's inspirational song felt phoned in, this performance is the exact opposite. It's sprinkled with punched notes and boasts an arrangement that turns the light, fluffy tone of the original Mariah hit completely inside out. David's vocals range from the sincere to the sinister, making the listener wonder a little whether the gal in question will always be his baby because he'll never forget her or because he's peeping in her window right now.

The slightly sinister thing works for him. It's an enthralling performance. (Watch here.)

"I think more than almost anyone on this show right now, you are ready to make an album, you are a hot recording artist. I've never stood up yet this season," Randy says, rising from his seat. "That was the most brilliant performance yet."

"That song could be in a movie soundtrack right now," Paula says. "You're it. You've got the whole package."

"David, it was like sort of coming out of karaoke hell," Simon says, amid premature boos, "into a breath of fresh air, because it was original, it was daring, it stood out by a mile. And this is the sign of the great potential artist, someone who takes risks. Congratulations."

David gets emotional. Which is sort of cool. Except, dude, rockers don't cry. Unless someone crashes your Corvette or steals your heroin or something.

JASON CASTRO
"For somebody like Jason," Mariah says during his intro segment, "it's about, like, expressing the song and singing to get that song to people's hearts."

Like an adrenaline shot. Without that big needle.

He sings "I Don't Want to Cry." It's another jangly, bongo-beat Jason Castro number, a sort of repetition that's beginning to bore me. But his newfound ability to actually emotionally connect appears to be fully intact, which helps his performance a lot.

It's a polished outing, and his voice sounds in fine form. It's hard to follow David Cook's big, bad, bomb blast of a song with this intricate, wispy, melodic tune, but Jason does a pretty good job with it. (Watch here.)

"I didn't really love it," Randy says, "I felt like I was at a weird beach luau, and someone was playing some music in the distance. It was weird for me, I didn't get it."

"Jason, I'd love to be at that luau, listening all night long," Paula says. And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.

"I'm going to have to agree with Paula," Simon says. "That wasn't the best vocal. Having said that, it was identified with you. It was a cool version. I've got to tell you, by the way, the guys completely won the night."

I'd agree with that assessment, although I'm still shaking off the image of Simon sitting at a luau with Jason all night long. *Shudder.*

FEARLESS PICKS
The guys did indeed blow the girls away, although I wonder if, in the judges' minds, that happened because the guys had to change up Mariah's songs to fit their vocal range while the girls were stuck directly competing with her original. Tough to say.

I think Li'l David, Syesha, David Cook and Kristy Lee were my favorites tonight. Jason's just a slight notch below that, mostly because I wish there was just a bit of variation in the way he tackles songs. They're all starting to sound the same to me.

Carly and Brooke brought up the rear. Brooke's personality keeps taking her down a peg in my estimation, but her performance was pretty uneven this week, too. Carly, I thought, sounded good, but just didn't connect. And I agree with Simon that she just seems to be trying too hard, and it shows.

I think I'm left with the same prediction I made last week: I'd like for Brooke to go, but I think the ax will end up falling on Carly.

But as last week's show proves, anything can happen when America gets to dialin'.

» COMING UP: We get the answer to the usual tantalizing question — Who's going home? — tonight. I'll have a new recap Thursday morning in the very same spot as usual: readexpress.com/idol.

In the meantime, what did you think of this week's show? Were you as crazy about the guys' performances as Simon was? What did you think of Carly? Of Syesha? Of Jason? Of luaus? Who do you think will go home? Share your thoughts below in the comments section.

... And I couldn't let a post with the title this one has go by without including a couple of videos, could I? Ah, you know me too well.

Photos courtesy Fox

Posted By Greg Barber at 7:15 AM on April 16, 2008 Tagged in Arts & Events , Idol Chatter , Television , Top Columns

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