Baggage Check: Mom, the Spy

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GOT ISSUES? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

I think my mom is spying on me. I busted her in my room sorting through my things to find my diary. She had no idea I was there, and once she realized it, she froze and ran downstairs. I was livid, as the last time she did this, I had, without thinking, wrote that I had a crush on someone, which she ended up blabbing. It was very embarrassing. I feel like a prisoner in my own home and that she's my worst enemy now, when we used to be friends. How do I convince her I'm a good kid and that I deserve some privacy? — No Name

Wow — a diary that doesn't start with "www"!

Your mother might have a ton of reasons for snooping, but I'll readily admit that none of them could quite win a gold star. And her revealing your secrets is indefensible.
So, not to blame you, but to try to understand her, you might examine whether there's something you've been doing that gives her serious reason to be concerned about your health or safety. If that's the case, acknowledgement of that can be a conversation starter, and it can help you reconnect and, ideally, assuage her concerns (and help you with whatever's going on).

Barring that, your mother might still be acting on some pretty understandable — though unjustifiable and even harmful — urges. Her actions could be stemming from fear, love or something more insidious: I'd have to sit her on the couch to have a clue. But the best way to convince her that you're a good kid is to keep being one. Try to help her understand why your privacy is important and how it feels to have it violated: You might agree on some ways to increase open communication. If all else fails and you find your relationship breaking down, you might try to seek out another trusted adult for support. And, perhaps, a good lock.

I'm in my early 30s and have been married for two years. I am, admittedly, terrified of bringing children into this world because of my own anxiety problems. I have a history of being more than just a worrier, to the point that it gets in the way of my own sanity. I had a dog throughout my 20s, and I know it sounds silly, but even that made me an overprotective, hovering mess! Friends tell me that having a baby means you will forever be stressed about something. But I also can't believe that no one who has ever had stress problems has been a successful parent. My husband brushes off my concerns and says "we'll be fine" and he's in no rush. — Future Mom or Future Mess?

Taking notes here: overprotective, hovering, mess — bad?

I think you're hitting the fast-forward button with the talk of children. You deserve help now, in your daily life — not because you're in danger of keeping your future sons in those leash-backpacks until they're sporting mustaches.

Yes, parenthood will go more smoothly if you can buff the edge off these anxiety problems (just read the above letter!), but so will next week's grocery shopping for arugula. A good cognitive-behavioral therapist can give you tangible help in fighting the panic cycle by exploring its origins and hammering away at the thoughts and actions that perpetuate it.

Of course, babies come with the ability to stress out their parents. (It's a superpower, like their ability to create tri-color stains!) But don't let that make your anxiety worse: The joys that they can bring are not limited to those who have never been prone to freaking out. Be the healthiest you can be, for yourself as an individual. And in turn, you'll feel, and be, more healthy as a parent.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Eric Reece for Express