Baggage Check: Bodybuilder, Image Wrecker

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GOT ISSUES? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

My boyfriend loves working out and has a fantastic body as a result. I've always hit the gym, but I don't approach his level of fitness. He always tells me how attracted he is to me and that he doesn't like "waifs." But at the same time, he points out every overweight girl he sees. I feel insecure about ever gaining weight and pressured to keep up with him at the gym. Am I being ridiculous? — Concerned

I'm trying to imagine a way that "pointing out every overweight girl he sees" would not be offensive, and I'm having real difficulty.

Here's what I hear: He's a guy who obviously cares about physical fitness and walks the walk. Kudos to him. I also detect an overanalysis of how everybody else looks. Even his supposedly noble declaration of not liking waifs is, at closer inspection, another example of being judgmental. Sure, everyone has physical preferences, and he's allowed to choose accordingly. But declaring those preferences every time he sees someone who doesn't fit them sounds, at the very least, quite tiresome.

People go through stress, people give birth, and weights change. And the rigidity he seems to espouse doesn't leave room for those real-world fluctuations. That doesn't make his affections feel very security-inducing. (So, no, you're not being ridiculous.)

I'm generally a happy person, but I notice sometimes that everything that comes out of my mouth is cutting somebody down, sarcastic or mean. My sisters have always told me I can be very critical of them and my mother. I know this and love them, but I can't seem to stop. I can't even watch a movie without making fun of the actors. I guess I'm not as charming as I think I am. How do I get rid of the grouchiness? — Stuck

Chronic snarkiness and negativity can be many things: symptoms of anxiety or depression, misguided attempts to connect with others, relatively meaningless habits that have become automatic or signs there's a crab living in your armpit.

In order for you to figure out exactly what's going on, you must investigate. Observe yourself: "What spurred this reaction? What am I thinking? And what really am I feeling?" You can write these things down and look for patterns. Identify the influences, and you can then make adjustments. If your feelings seem to be coming from a place of fear, anger, anxiety or sadness, you might think about seeing a cognitive-behavioral therapist, who can work with you to break those patterns. If it's more like class-clowning gone awry, you can work to gradually retraining yourself to develop a better way of getting laughs, attention, intimacy or whatever else you're really after.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Eric Reece for Express