Baggage Check: Why So Worried?

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GOT ISSUES? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

My life is going amazingly well right now, and it's completely freaking me out. I got into the graduate program of my choice, I have a fantastic and stable job and I am dating a wonderful, handsome, responsible man who loves me. We are moving in together and discussing marriage. But the happier I get, the more paranoid I become. I've always had problems with anxiety, and the easier things are, the worse my anxiety gets. I'll become fixated on something terrible happening to my boyfriend or my parents. I can't enjoy the happiness I've discovered because I refuse to believe it's real. It really affects my day to day life by keeping me awake a night, for instance. I am sick of it but I don't know how to control it.

— Worrier in Washington

I'm afraid I have the worst news ever. You just won PowerBall!

The inability to fully appreciate what you have, without being haunted by fears that soon you won't have it, is a common anxiety symptom. You make this connection, but the other parts of the puzzle -- why you've come to think and feel this way, and how you can fight it -- are of bigger importance.

Is it that you don't feel you deserve to be happy? Is it that you had the rug pulled out from under you in the past and learned never to trust contentedness? Or -- allow me to put on my glasses -- are you hypersensitive to threat cues and tend to exaggerate all the risks in the world?

A good cognitive-behavioral therapist can help you in combatting these thoughts by challenging them in the moment and teaching you to recognize the unconscious ways that you're perpetuating this negativity.

"Learned Optimism," by Martin Seligman, might also be quite helpful in the battle to break this chain.

My aunt was just diagnosed with the early stages of a terminal cancer. Since my dad passed a year ago, she is the only relative of his that I have left. We are very close, but I am an emotional wreck. I know she wants me to be strong, but I cry at the drop of a hat. I am prepping myself for the worst, but my mom says as long as the doctors are caring for her, she should be "OK" for a while. It has been a roller coaster of emotions for my family, and we won't know anything for certain until early March. How do I keep my composure around my aunt until then?

— Anonymous

I am so sorry to hear about both of the blows you've been dealt in such a short time.
The first thing you need to remember, though, is that there is a fine line between keeping your composure and stuffing your feelings. The former can be helpful for you and those around you in certain situations, but the latter -- especially over a long period of time -- can prove toxic.

So make sure to give yourself time and space to express your feelings, whether it be in a journal, with a friend or just in quiet contemplation.

The more you do this, the less of a hold they'll have over you when you're with your aunt. Your emotions are there for a reason, and fighting them too hard can often backfire.

That said, when you feel yourself welling up in an unwanted moment, it can be helpful to actually TRY to cry. Often, this neutralizes the involuntary onslaught that can overcome you, and allows you to gain composure.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Eric Reece