Baggage Check: Sipping Before Sleeping

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MY BOYFRIEND DRINKS wine to go to sleep at night. This is the only time that I see him drink. So, I don't think that it's an alcohol issue as much as a sleep issue. The only way that he ever seems to get relaxed and ready for bed is to have a few glasses of wine. He'll usually do it while watching the news or just hanging out with me. He says he's done it for years and doesn't have a hangover in the morning. Is this bad? — Concerned Girlfriend

Alcohol problems come in all shapes and sizes, as do sleep problems. Put them together and there's an infinite variety, making the question of where to draw the "bad" line quite a conundrum.

I certainly can't (and wouldn't!) diagnose anything based on your description, but what you have is a person who's having trouble falling asleep on a daily basis and is turning to a substance that can be quite addictive in order to do it.

It's one thing to have wine on an occasional — or even nightly — basis. But to need it, and several glasses at that, to do something as basic as sleep is troubling. Have him talk to his doctor about this, and try to see whether there are other indications that he might have problems with anxiety. Techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing, visualization, progressive muscle relaxation and meditation could be really helpful in getting him to his pillow without the pinot.

I AM IN a dire, time-constrained situation. I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for a little over a year, and he is someone I may consider marrying. However, I had been cheating on him with an ex from December to June before ending it for good. I recently found out that I am pregnant and I know that it is my ex-boyfriend's, who was recently killed in a tragic accident. He left behind no kids and I feel that it would be selfish to abort the baby in light of his death. I have an amazing relationship with my ex's mom and know that she would make a wonderful grandmother. However, I do not want to ruin a beautiful relationship with my current boyfriend, who I know would be devastated if he found out my situation. — Confused Baby Mama

To say you have a lot going on would be the understatement of the year. The circumstances of your predicament are unbelievably intense. In short, you need real support and guidance — much more than I could give in some newsprint.
Please don't wait any longer — or make any decisions — before seeking meaningful help. Community mental health centers offer low-cost counseling and resources. A good counselor could help you deal with your grief and confusion, and collaborate with you on moving forward. Please don't try to go through this alone.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Ben Claassen III for Express