A Real Scream: 'Halloween on Screen' at AFI

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SO YOU'RE TOO OLD to go trick-or-treating. The idea of waiting in lengthy lines to get into a bar, and then paying exorbitant amounts for badly dyed-orange drinks, doesn't really appeal to you. And the idea of dressing up like a slut because Halloween is the only day you can isn't really your cup of skankalicious tea.

If so, then don't fret about All Hallows Eve being a completely wasted day — just take refuge at the AFI Silver Theatre instead. Grab some candy, plop down some cash on the counter and settle into those delightfully velvet seats for the center's "Halloween on Screen" series, which starts today, includes some screenings on the 31st and continues into the first week of November.

With offerings from each corner of things that go bump in the night — we're talking vampires, werewolves and zombies — the series should probably have a flick for the monster-lover in you. (But if you're dreaming of Edward and Jacob, walk your "Twilight"-lust over to Blockbuster instead, K?) And although there are 10 films in the event, we've listed our five faves for you — and each movie's special moment that will make you ask for your mommy.

Or at least cover your eyes for a few seconds — whichever.

"An American Werewolf in London"
» Times: Tue., Oct. 20, 9:30 p.m.; Wed., Oct. 21, 7 p.m.; Fri., Oct. 23, 9:45 p.m.; Sat., Oct. 24, midnight; Tue., Oct. 27, 9:30 p.m.; Thu., Oct. 29, 9:30 p.m.

So, you've seen "Thriller" (pour some out for Michael Jackson, people), and you'd expect that since John Landis directed both that and "An American Werewolf in London" that the werewolf transformations in the video and the flick would be similar. But just because you've seen the best music video of all time doesn't necessarily mean you're prepared for Landis' grotesquely intense scenes of main character David (David Naughton) becoming a lyncanthrope. The screams of pain, those bizarrely elongated hands and feet, the fangs, that hair, his snout — basically, every aspect of the transition is agonizing to watch. Sure, the scene was fantastic for both the rest of the film (after all, it is a horror classic) and cinema as a whole (the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, who is in charge of the Academy Awards, would create the Outstanding Achievement in Makeup category specifically after viewing the film), but damn, does it make Jackson's monster-moment look tame in comparison.

"Shaun of the Dead"
» Times: Sat., Oct. 24, 10 p.m.; Sat., Oct. 31, 9:45 p.m.

If you're trying to ease into your scariness, "Shaun of the Dead," the wackiest romantic comedy of 2004, is probably your best bet. The film is focused on appliance salesman Shaun (Simon Pegg), who after being dumped by his girlfriend Liz (Kate Ashfield) completely fails to notice that the world has gone to hell in a handbasket. With zombies roaming the streets of his London neighborhood, Shaun is forced to take refuge in his local pub, where he and roommate Ed (Nick Frost) decide to stand against the undead uprising. But in "Night of the Living Dead"-style, everyone starts getting chomped on.

Nevertheless, it's not the most emotionally wrenching parts of the film that get us wincing (for example, Shaun having to kill his own recently bitten mother), but the part where one of Liz's friends, David (Dylan Moran) gets pulled through a window and is ripped apart by the bloodthirsty, reanimated dead. As in, David watches his intestines get pulled out of his body and devoured while his friends try (obviously in vain) to save him — just think of what the Dilophosaurus did to Dennis Nedry in "Jurassic Park," but with people.

"Nosferatu, A Symphony of Horror" (accompanied by local ensemble Silent Orchestra)
» Times: Fri., Oct. 30, 7 p.m., 9:30 p.m.

Before Joss Whedon made vampires studly (ahem, David Boreanaz as Angel, Buffy's undead object of affection) and Stephenie Meyer made them emo (how else to describe the Cullens?), German silent-film director F.W. Murnau set the standard for making them unsettlingly terrifying. With his 1922 film — which was an unauthorized adaptation of Bram Stoker's "Dracula," which is why the main vamp is named "Count Orlok" instead — Murnau ruined our hearts and minds by casting Max Schreck. As the lead baddie, Schreck was repulsively rat-like, with nastily long claws and teeth and an unquenched thirst for human blood. But as creepy as his unblinking intensity and ability to rise out of his coffin were, it's his unbridled joy at noting how "lovely" Hutter's wife's throat is that gets us freaking out. Meaning of the word "bloodlust," we know fully understand you.

"The Howling"
» Times: Sat., Oct. 31, midnight; Sun., Nov. 1, 9:30 p.m.; Tue., Nov. 3, 8:45 p.m.

When a movie spawns a ridiculous amount of sequels, you know it's got to be good - and 1981's "The Howling" fits that formula quite well. With six sequels to its credit, the horror flick from director Joe Dante (who would later go on to create "Gremlins") made werewolves wholly unsympathetic, transforming them from somewhat romanticized half-breeds into powerfully vicious killing machines.

The film centers on TV news anchor Karen White (Dee Wallace-Stone), who after being stalked by murderer Eddie Quist (Robert Picardo) decides to check into a secluded resort with her husband in order to get some time away. But "The Colony" soon starts to wig Karen out, and she invites friend Terri Fisher (Belinda Balaski) to the resort to help her get to the bottom of it all. Yet in a "Psycho"-like turn of events, Fisher soon gets the ax — in a scene surprising enough to be included in Bravo TV's "Scariest Movie Moments" (No. 81 out of 100), she gets smacked around by a humongous werewolf after digging through a file cabinet. In a weirdly human move, the humongous werewolf calmly plucks a manila folder out of her hand before sending her into the afterlife — fully living up to critic Kim Newman's claim during Bravo's special that "this isn't a 'begging-for-sympathy' monster. This is a, 'in two minutes I'm going to rip your throat out' monster." Word.

"Wolfen"
» Times: Mon., Nov. 2, 9:20 p.m.; Wed., Nov. 4, 9:20 p.m.

OK, so, imagine the now-mythical "Three Wolves" T-shirt from Amazon. Now, think that the wolves can, as the trailer for this 1981 horror flick suggests, "sense the rhythm of your blood." And then, top it all off with a mental picture of those glowing-eyed wolves hanging out in an otherworldly, mist-filled New York City, literally lunging for the jugular as city police try to figure out who is killing people — as in, decapitating people with their lupine jaws.

If that kind of distressingly bloody scene doesn't make you jump on the VH1 bandwagon and love the '80s, nothing will.

» AFI Silver Theatre, 8633 Colesville Road, Silver Spring; Tue., Oct. 20 until Wed., Nov. 4; 301-495-6700. (Silver Spring)

Written by Express contributor Roxana Hadadi