Baggage Check: When Her Pet Obsession Is Hounding You

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THIS GIRL I'VE BEEN SEEING is totally into her dog. That's cool, but this is more like a really weird relationship where she puts her dog above a lot of other things in her life. We've been talking about taking a trip together but everything falls through because she can't find a plan that's good enough in terms of someone taking care of her dog. She misses a ton of work and cancels plans if the dog is sick. Now I notice that — seriously — she sort of talks to her dog like he's going to talk back. I don't know if I'm off base here since I don't own a dog. She's great in other ways, but, really? — Not a Dog Hater, I Swear

This is certainly not the type of love triangle I'm used to hearing about!

It's hard for me to draw the line between obsessing and being a particularly doting dog owner. (And I fear hate mail signed with paw prints.) But I'm not sure that really even matters here.

Instead of attacking the issue as a whole and making her feel like she's weird or flawed, take it piecemeal: Plan that trip by helping her find an optimal boarding solution for her dog. Gently challenge her to see whether she'll budge on some cancelled plans or at least try to still be with you somehow. Insert a little bit of humor about how she talks to her dog, and see how she reacts. If you can make headway on these individual fronts, you'll know that she's willing to be a little flexible. If she pushes back harder, then it's time to decide whether Fido's a deal-breaker, no matter where his owner falls on the "normal" scale.

How do you respond to condescending remarks such as, "You look tired," or, "You look stressed," without sounding defensive? I've noticed that people I barely know — acquaintances, co-workers, etc., feel the need to give me feedback on my demeanor, even though such feedback is neither welcome nor helpful. — Thanks, but, No, Thanks

It's simple: "And your breath could stop traffic!"

I understand the annoyance of getting negative, uninvited feedback. Some people say these things to try to connect, but for others it's a thinly veiled dig. The best way to not sound defensive, though, is to do your best not to be. Do everything you can to shrug it off mentally by reminding yourself how inaccurate they are, or how much less it has to do with you than it does with them. Take a deep breath before responding, and then simply state, "Oh. Really?" while sounding as disinterested as possible.

But if you're getting this feedback from a range of people, and not just a few boundary-crossers, it might be a sign that your health does seem to be suffering. We don't always recognize our own anxiety, sadness or fatigue until someone else — no matter how annoyingly — brings it to our attention.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Ben Claassen III for Express