Baggage Check: With Friends Like These, Say You're Too Busy

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I THINK I'VE MANAGED to do pretty well for myself, and I've worked very hard for what I have. But I have a financially well-off friend who's pointed out that all my problems are related to money (with the subtext that if I dated him, that wouldn't be a problem). I am not an acquisition piece for hire. He expects me to rearrange my schedule to hang out with him and attend his parties for 100 as part of our friendship. Conversations with him consist of his dating travails and how his schedule reflects spending time with people who will be useful to him. He's finally gotten the point that he shouldn't stop by my apartment unannounced, but what was once a friendship is now a series of dreaded interactions. The egotism -- combined with a moral code in many ways opposite of mine -- make me want to have nothing to do with him. How do I rid myself of him without turning into the same type of jerk he is? -- No Name, Please

I wonder whether, in your desire not to be a jerk, you've made yourself into a bowl of jelly. By all means, if you don't feel respected by someone and you "dread" interactions with him, pull the plug. He'll no longer expect you to attend his parties if you stop coming to them. You won't have to endure annoying conversations with him if you don't partake in them. He got the point about stopping by; he'll get the point about your friendship's heading out to pasture if you simply start spacing out your contact.

You need not be rude; you simply grow "busier" and decline invitations. Don't forget that in relationships, you have the power not just to do something, but to not do something, too.

My sister most likely has eating disorder, but my parents refuse to see it. She still lives at home (she is under 18), and they are doing nothing to make this better. Is there a way that I can force them to get her into treatment? -- Concerned

Most likely, the word "force" won't have a role in this at all. Persistence and sensitivity are key. Keep talking to your parents, gently, in a way that won't make them quite so defensive. (Often, parents can deny the hardest, because it's scary to face what could have been done differently.)

Talk to your sister directly, not about weight or size or eating, but about general concerns that she doesn't seem happy and doesn't seem like her old self. (Harping on numbers or specific behaviors will just push her deeper underneath her shell, and also contribute to the existing problem -- the belief that someone should be defined by how they look or what they eat.) If you're not seeing movement, you should talk to her school guidance counselor or family doctor. But most of all, try to nourish your connection with her; ultimately, it might come down to her faith in you that makes the difference.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Ben Claassen III for Express